Sumo Ulcer

Finally! After 2 sickening weeks, my lower lip is free of the sumo ulcer from hell. After ineffective medication for the 1st 10 days, things took a turn for the better over the last 4. How? Well, this is my little medical epiphany: You do not need fancy medication to combat a stubborn ulcer. Just salt your ulcer, yes, SALT IT! Your mother may ask you to gargle your mouth with saltwater but I took it 1 step further - 1 teaspoon of salt with 10 teaspoons of water, stir, dip in a cotton earbud and rub it into your ulcer - and you will, I guarantee, send yourself on a 3o-second rocket ride of unadulterated pain. Yes, IT WILL HURT BADLY! VERY! But after you are done cursing every person and thing you know in your favourite dialect, you will feel a pleasant numbness around your ulcer. Yes, burn the ulcer into submission, BURN IT! This cure is not only cheap and fast, it is wickedly effective. Try it if you dare.